Group D - Germany

Group D

Germany

Australia

Serbia

Ghana

Nickname: The Nazis. I’m kidding! I’m kidding. I swear that will be the last reference to Germans and Nazis here. Their real nickname is Doucheland. I’m kidding! I’m kidding again. I swear that will the last Douche/Deutsche reference. Really the nickname is National Mannschaft (National Team) or DFB Elf (DFB Eleven) or National Elf (National Eleven).

Colors: White, black, red, yellow

Current World Ranking: 6

Manager: Joachim Low

As an assistant to German living legend Jurgen Klinsmann during the 2006 World Cup, Low was appointed to the managerial position after Kilnsmann was unceremoniously dismissed following that Cup. He’s led them well, just as a typical German would – with discipline, unending work ethic, and a focus on goal scoring prowess.

History: Germany is the third most successful team in all international play, having won 3 World Cups and 3 European Championships as well as 4 WC runners-up, 3 Euro runners-up, and 3 WC third place finishes. They were founded in 1908, took a little break from international play prior to 1950 for obvious reasons, spent the years from 1949 to 1990 as two separate teams, West Germany and East Germany, with the West being more successful, but since 1990 they unified and have retained all the records and accolades of the two separate teams.

Germany (united) was ranked #2 behind Brazil for the top national teams by win percentage (72%) from 1980-2001 and on that same list West Germany was ranked #9 ahead of England. So basically Germany (East, West and united) always seem to over perform what is expected of them by scoring more goals than they should. 

Despite all their success they haven’t won a major tournament since the 1990 WC and the ’96 Euro Cup. Consequently expectations have been low for the team lately, even in Germany. They exceeded those expectations in the 2002 Cup in South Korea making it all the way to the final but lost out to Brazil. Similarly in 2006 as the hosts they exceeded expectations by going undefeated in the Group stage then beating Sweden and favorites Argentina 4-2 on penalties, then lost to eventual champs Italy after conceding two goals in extra time.

In their most recent international competition, the 2008 Euros, they beat Poland, lost to upstarts Croatia, and then advance to the knockout round by beating rivals Austria. They then beat a favored Portugal side before being taken to the limit by cinderellas Turkey before winning 3-2 in the last minute of regulation. In the final against Spain they got off on the front foot before Spain battled back and my boy, Fernando Torres, outpaced a German defender and beat the keeper to win the game 1-0.

Qualification for the 2010 cup was pretty much a breeze for Germany, having won 10 games and drawing 2, but the last few years have been marked by a lot of disharmony for the team as the manager has brought in a lot of new young talent, much to the chagrin of the old guard.

Players: Only two Germans play outside the German Bundesliga, which we’ll touch on in a minute, which means the Germans play a very consistent style across the board – big, aggressive, and tactically precise. But the German league is probably only 3^rd or 4^th best in the world right now behind the English, Spanish and Italian leagues.

Michael Ballack – Central Midfield (Captain)

As one of the most decorated players in German history with 42 goals in 98 games since 2000 and three German Player of the Year awards to his name, Ballack is positively ancient in soccer years at the age of 33. He won almost every trophy there was to win for clubs in Germany before making the move to English side Chelsea where he’s already won a League title and an FA Cup. But why would the captain of the German squad and one of the best players of their history make the move from his domestic league to England? Because he’s a money-grubbing ass of a player. This guy is mean, dirty, a generally just a royal douche. Basically he’s the Karl Malone of soccer and easily makes my top ten list of most hated soccer players. While he’ll definitely have an impact on the pitch, it’s just as likely to be for a yellow card as anything else.

Bastian Schweinsteiger – Midfileder

Just 25-years-old, and the most German sounding name of any German in the history of Germany, Bastian is already a well decorated veteran for both club and country, having acquired a staggering 74 caps. As a versatile midfielder for Bayern Munich since he was a teenager, he’s just as likely to score a goal as he is to set one up as he is to get a card for a horribly rash challenge. The kid is aggressive to say the least and you’ll either love him or hate him and you’ll likely only love him if you enjoy torturing puppies. Regardless, he’ll have a huge impact with his dribbling, shooting, and set piece skills. Interestingly the team has never lost when he’s scored.

Miroslav Klose – Striker

At 31-years-old he may be just slightly past his prime, but Klose is an out-and-out goal scorer, no question about it. He scored 5 goals in each of the past two World Cups and has an unbelievable goal scoring ratio of 48 in 94 matches. Lately he’s been a bit marginalized by his club team Bayern Munich, but you still have to think when he’s on the pitch he’s going to score. Interestingly, just like Schweinsteiger, Germany has never lost when Klose has scored.

Lukas Podolski – Striker

Podolski was one of the most electrifying players at the 2006 Cup, netting 3 goals including 2 inside the first 12 minutes against Sweden, and at the age of 25 he has more caps (70) and goals (37) to his name than any other player at his age in German history. He continued to score goals all through qualification and is showing no signs of stopping by the time the Cup starts in June. I fully expect him to be Germany’s most influential player in this tournament.

Prediction: Australia and Ghana might provide some stiff resistance but honestly Germany should cruise to the top of this Group. It’s in the knockout stage that they’ll have to exorcise their demons of recent history. They have the talent to win it all and I wouldn’t be surprised if they do. Personally I’ll be rooting against them and even if the US can’t knock them out in the Round of 16 as I previously predicted, I don’t think they’ll make it much further. One really important fact about the German team is that they have not lost a penalty shootout in a major international tournament since 1976. In fact, a German player has not missed a penalty kick since 1982. That could be huge.